2009-01-28T16:11:00.003+05:30

Anxiety is getting the better of me. I can't explain why I'm anxious but I get these spells of anxiety that I can't handle. I feel like something is about to happen. Something that I don't want to face. I think I just want to run away from everything.

I have a million things on my mind. All of a sudden I don't like what I've loved for years. My job. And everything is falling out of place because of that. I have twenty something mails to answer from my flute website. I have to edit and publish my first open source application. Something I made many weeks ago but I didn't follow up on it. And I haven't updated my site for months. I did start with a new section that is half done. I also have to visit katha, this NGO that I've been working with. I've been teaching basic computer usage to underprivileged kids in their school for three months. But I haven't gone there since they had holidays for christmas and new year. I am supposed to get a new batch of students from class XI and I'll teach them web design. I was really looking forward to it but I haven't been able to take out time. I've been too involved with myself. I've been obsessed with cycling. Day and night I'm thinking about it, reading about it. I wake up and I want to see my cycles. It's my best friends birthday tomorrow. She's much more than a best friend and there have been so many phases in our relationship over the years. Right now things are as nice as they can be and sometimes we are more like lovers than friends but I don't know till when this will last. I like the inconsistencies, the anticipation and not knowing what to expect. What I do know after all these years is that I love her. I don't want all the formalities that come with her birthday. I have to meet her friends, spend a day with them, take a day off work, do silly things. They are all in college. I am not. I want just her. For her and I to be alone in a room, sitting tight and snug on a sofa and watching tv. I want routine, and normalcy that use to prevail when I use to love my work and had so much work that I had no time to think about anything else.

Stop cribing manu.

start

2009-01-28T13:10:00.000+05:30

A myriad of thoughts all getting infused and making more myriad thoughts. I need an outlet to dump everything.

I used to carry a diary but my hand writing is barely legible and I don't like messy pages so I tear them off. For the pages to survive I have to write them at ease at night but then most of the thoughts arrive when I'm doing something else, something important.

Anyway so here's a start. A clean, fresh page to start writing(err... typing) on.

Start Stop Spin

start